we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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