I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think your dad took our porno
40s are totally the cure
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
