soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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