Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
