I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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