Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
