Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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