The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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