Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
