Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
