Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
