fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
