Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
