im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
