just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
