new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
