Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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