I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
