Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
