thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
