So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
