So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
