just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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