dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
