Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
