Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
