I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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