bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
