is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
false alarm. still invincible.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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