You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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