I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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