You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
