i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize