I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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