Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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