and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize