I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
