We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
