Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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