R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
