So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
