Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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