You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
