He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
