I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize