Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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