We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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