If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
