i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
