I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
