My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
