She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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