I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
