I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
