I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
