Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
