i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
