How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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