I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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