wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
