Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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