if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
