check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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