giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
